artformula

i have at least three people who i care about pissed off at me at the moment. i used to do whatever it took, lie, minimize issues, or spin the truth to avoid this kind of thing. now i’m in a much stronger place where i am saying what needs to be said and letting the other person deal with their own reaction. it still sucks most of the time, but it is a vast improvement to respect myself in this way. and the face i bring to the world is my true face.

at the moment it is sucking pretty hard. gotta love the vicissitudes of daily life. (yep, that is sarcasm)

not that i’ve turned into an asshole. i still do my damnedest to treat the world with compassion and respect, trying to recognize the inherent enlightenment in others. true, at times, this enlightenment seems to be pretty fucking dormant, but, i still try not to just tell people to fuck off. i try dialogue. i apologize for my mis-steps. still learning what to do when they simply don’t want to hear what i have to say, which seems to be the current trend.

anyway, the saga continues. suffer what there is to suffer. enjoy what there is to enjoy.

an ex-girlfriend used to say that what i really needed was a party girlfriend in my headfirst dive into the bay area party scene. i have to say i think i’ve found something better.

i met pixie at bah (of course). she joined hooppain shortly thereafter, and has been dedicated ever since. i felt instantly at ease with her. in a relatively short timeframe, she has become my most reliable party companion. and that has turned out to be considerably better than another love/lust interest.

her bday adventure marked the start of 6? 7? weekends (so far) of solid rockstar shenanigans. the rest of the group ebbs and flows with quality peeps from our respective circles, but it always seems to be me and pixie at the vanguard. we are both instigators and caretakers, by nature, with an exuberant passion for partying. i daresay that when we are driving the party train, a good time is usually assured for all participants. it has been a hell of a lot of fun: clubbing, spinning fire, watching yet another sunrise with tired eyes. she is one of the few peeps i’ve met who can keep up with me. i’m not kidding. the way she puts it, we have the same kind of battery.

yesterday, at the tail end of another full weekend of mayhem with a particularly cool group of mutual friends, we were discussing how great it has been to have reliable companionship without bullshit while working through the emotional turmoil of our respective break ups. i know i’ve needed it. one of the things that sucked about going out when i first moved back to the bay was that i ended up going to so many events alone. pixie has helped me go full throttle without that loneliness. she has become a confidante and a fantastic friend; a needed safety net, particularly when other peeps that i would usually turn to are either unreliable or in non-participatory mode. i’m pleased to play the same role for her.

i’ve had other significant non-romantic friendships with women that have been a similar joy. my close friendship with michelle, while we lead youth activities in seattle, is one of my most treasured connections. i feel really fortunate that once again i’ve found a great female companion. i think ultimately my romantic relationships really benefit from these kinds of connections, because i invariably learn a great deal about women from these friendships. nice to have that viewpoint without the added complications that intimacy seems to bring. plus, it is just plain fun.

so, a shout out of appreciation to pixie. thanks for your willingness to co-lead this adventure. you are, without a doubt, a true rockstar.

you can share a limo with me anytime;-)

spring is here.

happy to have had the transition; lemur means a lot to me- needed to mourn for a bit, process. also needed to reconnect with myself, my goals, how i want to spend my time. unpeeling yet another layer of delusion.

i’ve enjoyed so many really fun events recently. the bunny jam was an absolute blast; me and qp owning the stage in full bunny regalia. i’m still recovering from pain pixie’s bday adventure; it started with absinthe, need i say more? the fashion show, a huge success (i managed not to freak out while handling the little fires that cropped up); the after party, truly epic- a full night on the dancefloor and hanging in the furred out vip lanai. my sis’s visit was fantastic; such an incredible young woman- i am so fucking proud of her. hooppain has been the most fun, ever; the dedicated group is growing, new dj’s throwing down, mayhem breaking up the week, still the place that helps me to advance the most as a hooper. and, tonight i leave for a weekend of fire drums in santa cruz.

i’ve connected with a whole new group of cool peeps. i’m enjoying the flattering attention of some lovely women. my calendar is full of fun things around the corner. damn i love my life.

good to feel better.